post number …

… and i feel like a pair of deflated boxing gloves, left on the shelf to rot.

this date … this very date … weighs on my mind. one year ago tonight … that’s when i left. funny … how the passage of 365 days seems to make no difference in so many ways. or perhaps this … this is payback? if you believe in that sort of thing. maybe this – feeling i have – ‘left on the shelf to rot’ – maybe its kharma. maybe its fate’s payback for my behaving so badly 1 year ago. maybe … maybe i’m meant to now assume the role of receiving – receiving the pain i dished out 1 year ago.

i suppose, then, i have only myself to blame. i made my bitter pie. now i gotta eat it?

funny – i do not really believe that. but – i have no other explanation to offer.

and soon … oh so soon … i will stop seeking any explanations. i will stop bothering to reach out to the one of whom i speak.

i tire of this. really, really tire of this — neglect i feel. and have felt everyday for several weeks. today … i have the distinct feeling of my skin disintegrating, right before my very eyes. i feel powerless to stop it. i feel powerless …

just me. togetherness – unity – its a load of fucking BULLSHIT. just another one of those lies society’s always trying to shove down our gizzards. or so it seems. to me @ this moment. i am just me. that’s all i am. alone. no skin. the skin – i think its an illusion. its non-existent for me, right @ this moment. i have no connection. just the illusion of a connection. and it leave me feeling sad and insignificant.

that’s all.

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~ by frizzyscissorhands on April 27, 2007.

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