enigmatic? the human psyche

[~inspired by an email i wrote recently to a dear friend, currently suffering @ the hands of that dark shadows that crosses spirits – depression~]

… about the beast within …

each of us resides in special, certain part of ourselves … some of us live in our heads … some, live in our guts … and so, those of us that have this beast …. share that space with said beast. as for ‘subtle genetic make-up that adversely affects behaviour/personality …’ i do think that we – i.e. our current human society/species – have little or no understanding of the human psyche … society speaks of psychiatric imbalance as purely a physiologic phenomenon. i, however, (having had lifelong exposure to said psychiatric imbalance) choose to see it less definitively. i see it also as a spiritual phenomenon … those of us frail of psyche, prone to channelling the despairs that surround us, etc … i think we have special sensing capabilities that other humans do not yet recognize … call me crazy if you like … but i cannot view any psychiatric illness entirely devoid of considering one’s spirit … one’s soul.

i believe environmental manipulation – i.e. engaging in some spiritual ritual (in the case of johnny cash, this would mean appealing to his god in prayer, etc etc) – has proven helpful for some. and perhaps this reinforces my view of psychiatric imbalance as having partially spiritual origins. … can the spirit/soul and the channels that it finds itself ‘surfing’ – can such activity manifest itself in brain chemistry activity? no doubt – i believe that’s how our primitive medical community attempts to understand the psyche.

i see illicit drug use as intimately intertwined with this phenomenon – as in so many, many humans see and feel the need to self medicate. everyone does, somehow – through pursuit of power … trifling, shiny and completely unnecessary material goods … speed … or just plain old trying to get as ‘high’ (i.e. ‘stoned’) as possible – comfortably numb, as the band Pink Floyd called it. we all have heard of that movie The Matrix. i believe its a wonderful, gothicly surreal (in a modern way) metaphoric interpretation of humanity and perception. in particular the choice Neo must make to take the blue pill or the red pill. does this not constitute the choice one’s spirit makes regarding perception of one’s world? one’s truth?

… about the concept we call masochism ….
and … that nebulous concept called ‘balance,’ or sanity …

i wonder about myself sometimes. in a subtle way, though. like … in the times when the shadow of darkness falls upon my spirit … the feeling of despair reminds me i feel anything at all. and sometimes the purging sensation that courses through my very wise blood feels oh-so-much sweeter than does that often numbing sensation of ‘happiness.’ does that constitute masochism? or … could one man’s sorrow become another man’s joy? and who decides ….? how can anyone determine whether any of us have psychiatric balance …? considering our Selves all reside @ different calibration points (and in different parts of our own biologic microcosm) – what makes one one individual, with several years of university, qualified to judge something so raw … so mystical … so enigmatic? just thinking out loud, here.

martin has old, old scars along his arms from his youth/early adulthood – when he used to press the glowing tip of the cigarette against his skin … just to feel something. masochistic, perhaps? to appeal to physical pain in order to dull that gnawing, aching, searing wound that makes one’s spirit throb? i have had analogous experiences … albeit with food/appetite … in times of deepest depression … it strangely, sickly lifts my spirit … to feel the physical sensation of hunger. it gives my Self a physical focus … draws it away from that which lies inside. does this constitute masochism? who’s to judge?

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~ by frizzyscissorhands on May 9, 2007.

5 Responses to “enigmatic? the human psyche”

  1. I just read your comment about death in Cora’s blog…I think that was truly truly insightful!

    “The beast within”..ah’ I have battled with that…and so ferociously I remember..At times it seeks to come back but I close my gates to it. I feel at times it wonders outside…waiting for a chance to sneak in…

    I hope the friend you speak will bind hers…

    whispering sunshine to you…

  2. interesting post. theres a lot of content here grrrrrl! will report back

  3. luxie – i think if that song popularized by johnny cash, but written by nick cave – ‘the beast within.’

    wishing you a great weekend.

    she – hehehe – hope you’re keeping that spirited dog of yours outta trouble … hee hee.

  4. i agree on the point of self medication, and the desire to reach altered states. we watched squirrels last year roll around drunk on bad mushrooms (we’re guessing). i dont know where i stand on methodologies to distract from sorrow although you’re right to recognize that it is universal and it could manifest in ways approved of and not so approved of. one things for sure whatever a person is trying to avoid, it will be waiting there for them at some point. better to wade right in and start swimming, and hopefully get out on the other shore.

    damn that dog red! she is so bad. she wont come! shes great inside our white trash fencing but when shes free? no. way.
    oh but what a beautiful little thing she is.

    have a great mothers day.

  5. not sure where i stand either in the whole self medication thing … however … what pisses me off is the mixed messages society sends us all. everything out there … all the media and marketing … it screams avoid. avoid as a problem solving tactic. that’s such BS for shur. and you got it … its all just gonna be waitin fer us when we’s wake up from our slumber of pleasure!

    your dog … she’s independent-minded … that’s just the hound part of her … the hound doesn’t just ask what can i do for you, master? s/he asks … ‘and why should i? like, what’s in it for me?’ and …. woah … if they can sense the panic in your voice … woohooo … paaaaaarrrrrteeeeh … they loooooove to tease …

    that was my experience raising 7 afghan hounds from puppy to adulthood. lovely, beloved creatures. and oh-so-hard to handle! but … worth every ounce of perspiration that generated! have fun with your hound … they are so much fun … !

    thanx … for the mothers day wish. i’m getting spoiled this year … teee heee. (who’s wearing the t-shirt that says ‘ado(red)’ on it??? moi …). and ok … i hadda cheat and sneak a piece or two of my DQ ice cream cake a day early … hee hee.

    hope your art show stuff going ok.

    have a wonderful sunday!

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