the garden

“the fruit’s [the fruit of the tree of knowledge] office was not confined to conferring there mere knowledge of good and evil, it conferred also the passionate and eager and hungry disposition to DO evil. prone as sparks to fly upward, in other words, prone as water to run down hill — a powerful figure, and means that man’s disposition is wholly evil, uncompromisingly evil, inveterably evil, and that is as undisposed to do good as water is indisposed to run up hill.
~ mark twain from schoolhouse hill

today i’m inclined to believe this. i like the notion that the knowledge of evil provided enough of a taste to make humanity thirst for another taste. and another. and one can never really feel satiated, can one? and … in the most miniscule ways, throughout our days, don’t we often act on that thirst? particularly the sour and salty taste of personal betrayal makes me thirsty for tasting evil, for tasting revenge. i suppose that makes me not much different from any other who reads this blog.

i wonder does the cool, smooth texture of revenge render us incapable of tasting the warm richness of love? we know, intellectually, what we should do, how we should behave. and … when provoked, we run to our comfort drink ~ evil. thoughts, terseness of attitude, a desire to spread the suffering of one’s own hurt … we experience these, in some measure, at some level of existence and consciousness. when struck and wounded by another, it seems so easy to forget the path of love. it seems dimly lit and thorny. forgiveness and acceptance provide the thorniest of challenges, whilst struggling to remove the shards of hurt from one’s own Self. and so, i once again find myself humbled at the fact that i lost sight of love. that my faith melted into a vapour once more. and that, once more, the powers of the universe have restored my misplaced faith. ~i speak here not of the religious kind of faith .. but of faith in my marriage ~


~ by frizzyscissorhands on July 14, 2007.

4 Responses to “the garden”

  1. Looky, Darlin’..mebbe ya’ could cultivate good cheer–I knows youse had a rough ride here fer the past weeks, but please try to lighten yore heart a wee bit terday.

    try ter take a walk and actively look fer beauty, let yoreself feel the awe fer the wonderful things around us.

    All yore anger is understandable. I git that–I really does.

    Yet, honey, that anger is corrosive–doan give NOBODY that sorta power over ya’…the jerk is being a jerk? Be danged iffin’ I’d let it rob me of the honest joy of livin’. either he will be back–or not.

    Either way, keep yoreself in tact, an’ iffin’ he comes home, let him see ya’s not all that miserable wif’out him…that yore life has other places where contentment is found (friends, hobbies, music, art, volunterrin’, bloggin’). No need to be spiteful (even if he deserves it) ’cause the best thang is when he realizes youse a whole person with or without him.

    Red, find the good places, leave off the ugly. It is heroic to seek good and beauty. Doan give in, Sugar, ter stuff that further pulls ya down.

    Youse on mah mind, Babe.

  2. hey ab … nice thoughts and thanx. its funny how when wounded, all we wanna do its strike back. like, we really thirst to strike back. and then, when things have settled and the hurt has been processed away, we look back and say … hmmm, why couldn’t i see? of course, true and strong love finds away, even to pass the thorniest passage ways. still, we constantly need that lesson through out our life time.

    all is well. 🙂

  3. Interesting. Of course, the human tendency is towards counterviolence, which only differs from violence in subtle ways.

    Counterviolence is often misplaced, and far more ferocious. For example, if I walked up to you and kicked you in the knee, that’s violence. If I did that, however, you’d want to kick me back in the knee (that’s counterviolence). Problem is, kicking me in the knee might not be satisfying enough of a retribution. The thought of kicking me somewhere more sensitive might then appeal to you. If you have a gun or a knife within your reach, the scenario might wind up with me in an urn.

    But if you have no gun, knife, or H2H training, you might have a problem inacting counterviolence. It just so happens that I am a rather tall, and physically powerful man. So kicking me back runs the risk of incurring my counterviolence (or counter-counterviolence).

    Yet the urge for retribution is still there. So your anger towards me could very well be expressed to someone else, someone who’s a safer target (or seems like a safer target).

    Maybe we let the safe target have it little by little (e.g. men who have no previous history of violence are far more prone to commit acts of spousal abuse after cases of police brutality). Maybe we let them have it all at once.

    Counterviolence is the gift that keeps on giving, you understand. After all, the safe target now seeks revenge too, and most likely can’t take it out on the perpetrator without a very high risk.

    The feelings you express here are part of the human condition. There’s no sin in having them (of course, you know this). Acting on them is a bit more precarious. As you aptly put it, “i wonder does the cool, smooth texture of revenge render us incapable of tasting the warm richness of love?”

    Incapable? I’m not sure. But it can’t be conducive to love.

    So what do we do with all our counterviolent tendencies? I’m afraid that’s a part of the human dilemna.

  4. interesting. and precisely so ~ dilemma. sort of like trying to carry water in a basket.

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