resistance is futile?

we are borg (flash)

EDIT – 1618 PDT: new flash movie. made in 1.5 hours [*whew*] its still morose … its basically the dead birds from before, but i’ve fancied it up by adding scrolling text and a monitor, to make it look like a viewing screen. (hey ~ not my idea … its for marks … still, kewl, i think). its not the greatest photochop i ever did (monitor) – i see flaws. but i had a time limit (1.5 hrs), so gimme a break, i guess.

blogger is supposed to allow uploading of video for embedding into posts … but of course they’re fucking incompetent charlatans and that feature has, so far, not worked for me! grrrr. anyway check the link – it will prompt you to download. the borg remind me of the american neocon administration – …your culture will adapt to service ours … resistance is futile

expand the post to see where i’ve been lately

i’ve been a bad blogger. well, mostly, like foam says, inwardly drawn. last week i got attacked by my gallbladder – nasty. its ok now … but it was sorta painful, unpleasant. blah. and … my baby would turn 18 tomorrow, the 23rd. rather than think of that, i will think of the lovely baby from my previous post turning 6 months old. still, without even realizing it, i find i have retreated to that place x-dell calls the woodshed. to make a connection with another human for the purposes of communication takes the greatest, hugest effort.

so its nothing personal, my absence … just i’ve been in retreat mode for awhile. even here, at home. it causes friction, at times – this distance, of course, gets interpreted as cold aloofness. roxanne, the ice queen lives here; apparently her heart has shrunk to a size not visible with the naked soul. so i’m told, not in so many words. we do not speak of this thing – this inert remnant of grief that will never leave. still, we know. i know. i cannot deny. or pretend. or mask. he does. he drowns it. perhaps that’s a judgement, but that’s my take on things. he drowns it.

at those times of most crushing inertia, all words seem hollow, useless, purposeless. silence seems the most beautiful sound. i love the anonymity of the big city crowd for that reason – strangers among themselves in silence. no need for talking or chatting or any of that bullshit. i can live in my head, like i have done these past days. its funny, the crushing inertia doesn’t really feel painful. it doesn’t really feel anything at all. its so primal – it transcends all that, i suppose. i felt like a pair of deflated boxing gloves last week. not so this week. still, i suppose i create this chilling aire of aloofness to keep the enemy – all other humans – away. i guess i still find that woodshed quite comforting, still. i promise to return all previous comments in the next day or two or three.

enjoy your week.

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~ by frizzyscissorhands on October 22, 2007.

6 Responses to “resistance is futile?”

  1. i tell some of my students that ‘resistance is futile’ .. yes, you WILL learn something. 😉

  2. Sounds as though you’ve been enduring more than one severe pain in the gut.

    Unfortunately, I cannot see the movies. I have both Macromedia Flash and Quicktime, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere with either.

    I’ll check on this, though, and try to see it later.

  3. oh’ gaawsh’..I had you in mind a while back..I need your advice…the way you reached out to that friend of yours…I’ll write to you in the next couple of days…I might not be able to today coz’ i have to be somewhere right now and this is rush…maybe tomorrow…thing is its a matter of life and death..i know you can help me..its about abuse….I need to urgently help someone in an abusive situation..she seems to be not herself..I have a feeling she’s schitzophrenic..she’s also suicidal…but won’t leave her abuser..don’t mention anything in my blog..i’ll write..

    be well and take care of yourself meantime..I think of you often and always wish the best of days for you..

    Luxie

  4. i am so sorry to hear youre feeling bad….you have some good company though. i will send you a note today. ive thought about this date for you…i did see your flash video….was it dying birds on desert floors? it was powerful.

  5. “bad Blogger”- WTF???
    I don’t think so…rather a smart human who knows the value of silence.
    A person who can be at ease with themselves in silence is rare. Most fill their days up with noise and activity to DROWN out the thoughts/feelings/emotions they don’t-won’t-can’t deal with.
    Not you- you glide alongside the phantom in a curious dance- recognizing his place, the grief, and choosing to waltz again tomorrow…bravo to you.

    Good to see you here- you have been in my thoughts today- I send my best~
    -Cora

  6. foam ~ ha ha. does it work?

    x-dell ~ flash player version 7. it works best if you download the swf file from divshare and play that.

    lux ~ do write me about that. i will respond. sending you lots of happy wishes.

    she ~ yes. thanx. for some macabre reason, that themse of dead birds resonates. i think you’re right … its the fragility. and … birds are so beautiful … almost spiritual.

    i got your email. will write back soon. i send you some snail mail.

    cora – thanx for your thoughts. and yes, i have felt you close in spirit. i honored this day by making an animated short – a cartoon. it was fun. and so, i should celebrate today. not wallow in it.

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